I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
