no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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