Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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