I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
