what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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