So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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