remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
