I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize