He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
