that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
