You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
