his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
