Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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