I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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