You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
