he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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