fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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