I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
