The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
