it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
