At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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