they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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