The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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