So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
