my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
