I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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