Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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