I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
