We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am naked and annoyed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
