I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
