I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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