a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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