Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
