Non-Jews are for practice
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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