i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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