is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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