He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
