I wish I could teleport
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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