All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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