What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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