I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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