Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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