Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
