so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
