I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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