Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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