I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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