I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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