I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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