The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Bring me that man meat
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
