I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
