i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize