Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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