i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
