Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
