It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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