I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
