She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
