Dual....:-)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
