Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
