Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
