We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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