hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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