I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
