Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
