dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
