Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
