He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
