"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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