Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
